NICU: Preemie – A little early but right on Gods time

First off, for those of you who don’t know, the NICU stands for neonatal intensive care unit, and it’s the hospital unit where babies go when they need extra medical care. There are a vast assortment reasons for babies to be in the NICU – some babies just need a few days of TLC before they’re ready to go home, while others are clinging to life. Some are premature, some are full term. Some families know in advance they’ll need the care of the NICU, but for most families it’s a stressful, unexpected experience.

I’m sure your head is spinning, and you may still be trying to recover from the shock of ending up here, as a NICU parent. 

Take a moment and breathe. 

You might have to remind yourself to do that a few times during your journey, and that is okay! As a good friend told me at the start of our NICU stay, “no matter how long it lasts, it’s a marathon, not a sprint”. It was a great piece of advice, and one that I actually wrote in the notebook I kept with me to journal and write my questions in, so that I would see it often and be reminded on the “bad” days. I’m not sure what the circumstances were that brought you here, or what lies ahead of you in this race but know this – you are not alone. 

People ask all the time ‘gosh how do you do it everyday it must be so hard’ ‘it must be so scary’ and yeah to some extent it is hard and it is a shitload scary. But honestly it’s so much more. The reality is the NICU is an intense, complicated, isolated yet beautiful little world.

The NICU is hard no doubt about it. Imagine giving birth to a baby earlier than you expected and they’re so tiny and fighting for life. To see your 1kg baby cling to life is not for the feint hearted. To see those tubes, the head gear coming from your baby is the hardest you’ll ever have to endure as a mom. You sit there with tears in your eyes blaming yourself but then you realise that God has other plans. And she may have been early but Gods timing is always the right time. It’s hard at first but after a while you find yourself looking forward to kangarooing your baby and spending that time “skin to skin” because that’s what gets them going.

My little one has been in the NICU for about 3 weeks now and we still have a long road ahead as she was born at 30 weeks. But I have never seen strength like this little 1.4kg tiny little human. I usually come into her room and I immediately kangaroo her but today I just went straight to express (I continue to express 3 hourly as if she were home) she probably heard my voice because as I express I hold her hand. She was screaming and screaming like a little diva until the nurse said “mommy I think she knows you’re here let’s hold her first and then you can express”. I was smiling from ear to ear because she knew I was there. She was instantly quiet the moment she layed on my chest. How cute and precious are these moments.

The NICU can be a scary place but if you look past the equipment, past the beeping machines, past the incubators you’ll be fine. Right now I walk in with a smile in my voice greeting my baby. I dont see the incubator, I dont hear the beeps, All i see is my strong little warrior princess.

This is my second preemie and I cant say the one was harder than the other because it truly is just as painful and so rewarding. These preemies are so inspiring to us because with the great help of medical care they continue to progress. There are times you will witness babies go through hard times while you are there with your little one. All you can do is pray.

To NICU Moms:

1. You are a superhero to these little ones. You are still recovering from major surgery but you get up to be with your little baby. They appreciate you. Always remember God has chosen you to be their mom and that is an honor.

2. Once you’re discharged from hospital it will be hard to go home and leave your baby behind. Like myself, you will cry all the way home but find solace in the fact that your baby is in the right place to grow healthier and stronger.

3. Know that you’re doing your best. You will feel overwhelmed when managing your life, other kids, being a wife but everyday God gives you a little extra strength to carry on.

4. It’s okay to lean on your husband, boyfriend, family and friends. Know that they are also going through it with you . They may not be there with you when you’re sitting there but they also have that little baby in NICU so really they understand. LEAN ON THEM. you need all the strength and support you can get. This is not easy.

5. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. Lean not on your own strength but on Gods and trust that he will carry you through. God knows best!

A Teachable moment: Savings

Tags

Children are everything, Mom, savings and children

We didnt grow up rich my mom worked a full time job had side hustles to make ends meet. But I can say we never went without. I see my mom as my super hero. So obviously I would make sure my kids always have and ensure they had more than I had growing up.

For the longest of time I thought giving them all I didnt have meant always giving them what they asked for. I thought it meant getting them the gadgets they wanted. But really as time went on I realised it’s not giving them material things its teaching them the morals and values we were taught growing up.

My 7 year old continuously asks to go on the Jolly roger pirate ship in waterfront and I would always just agree. I would be like sure let’s set a date and go. But this time around I told him he will need to save up and then when he has enough we will go. (Obviously I’d pay for it and leave his money in his bank account but he doesnt need to know that)

For the past year hes been saving all his coins and all the extra money he gets from Ma and Dadda he puts away. We finally got to counting his money and he was so excited to have reached his goal for his boat trip. At first I felt so bad having him save up for it but seeing his face today just so proud of his savings made me realise I’m doing the right thing.

After all that, he learnt to be patient and he learnt that in order to get something he needs to save for it. More importantly he learnt that we cant always get everything we want we need to be patient and work towards our goals. We gotta build these kids up for this crazy world we live in.

My cup forgotten – Lockdown version

Hi there momma? How are you doing? I mean no, how are you really doing. You say you’re fine but I know you’re not. That’s okay all of us moms have those moments.

Motherhood is a dichotomy of extremes. Extreme highs and extreme lows. Intense love and insane frustration. Love that makes your heart pop out of your chest and exhaustion that just seems normal. These emotions can seriously wear you down. Especially if you aren’t taking time out for yourself.

With the pandemic we are facing in the world. Everything is from home, work life, schooling for kids and just about everything. Today I found myself Feeling extreme guilt because I was so exhausted of homeschooling plus a day at work. I literally skipped through the fun stuff and forced myself to atleast do the important sections with him but geez I was tired.

As moms we do so much in a day and ask for nothing in return. You can call us nurses, doctors, cleaners, chef, just about everything with no complaint. The guilt is so overwhelming and so loud sometimes we forget that we are human too.

Momma! Let me tell you something it’s okay for the house to be dirty and for the toys to lay around. It’s okay for them to eat sandwiches for dinner. During this lockdown I found myself crying with the kids when they have mini breakdowns because we are all feeling the lockdown. And my energy just ran out.

But again my cup is running dry.

As they are getting older and older this lockdown has taught me so much. It allowed me the time to witness the precious moments we miss when we’re at work. It allowed me to experience the first grade anxiety my oldest feels sometimes. I am able to bake for them, I am able to take my lunch time and have lunch with them and that is priceless. For that I am simply thankful because these kids are my life and I know all moms can agree.

I know I have to show up for these two cubs. 💯

I love my dear kids so much my heart bursts with love. And I am truly thankful to experience motherhood. There are days I feel like I fail them daily but then I come out of my office and I have beady eyes with smiles asking momma are you done working. That, that right there is the reason I do it over and over and over again.

So momma let me tell you this it’s okay to have a bad day, it’s okay to feel frustrated, it’s okay to just be you. Guess what? You have tomorrow to continue competing with that momma in the mirror. My cup was empty but after my essential run to the store and a few alone time sessions – my cup was full again because no one can can pour from an empty cup. They need you to take care of you. Fill up your cup first! Theres nothing wrong with that because all you’re doing is ensuring you can be the best version of yourself for these kids.

And once I realized that.. Homeschooling became easier, juggling it all became easier. But those smiles are the reason why you keep pushing 💯

You got this momma!

Mom blues. An angel appeared

So today I went to the store after sitting forever at the doctor’s office with both kids. And ofcourse, unpredictable as they are, both kids will get sick in my last week of maternity leave (so so excited to be a working mom again).

I walked in and had the discussion with my preschooler who really is such a great helper, we agreed he would push the trolley and I would hold the baby.

As we walk pass the vegetables he was fine. Then he noticed the sweets aisle and it all went to shit. And just then the baby starts screaming. So while I’m trying to steer the trolley with one hand, manage my preschooler and calm the baby. It’s funny usually I would just be like you know what let’s go.

An angel appeared.

I hear someone saying: it gets better as the baby gets older. I just smiled thinking I hope so. And carried on about my business because usually people look at you like cant you handle your kids or just stare at you. But this lady smiled at me and calmly uttered those words. Words I needed to hear at the time.

I’m truly the kind of mom that always has every scenario mapped out in my head but today I was thrown off guard by having two sick kids. Listen I have a diary for everything.

She takes the trolley from me and pushes it to the car with me and explains how she had this moment years ago and it was the hardest moment of her life. I was so grateful I had tears in my eyes. There are still good people out there even when we think the world is full of hate.

The lesson I learned is that big brother is still a kid, as mature as he is, he can’t always have it together. He wasnt feeling too shabby and the only way he could communicate it to me was by melting down. And you know that’s okay because in the end they are human too. As adults we are able to say you know, well damn, I had a bad day. They don’t have that brain capacity just yet to communicate it so we just gotta grin and bear the growing pains.

After the episode I explained to him how important it is to use our words. Momma is always listening and you can always be honest. Our babies need to know we are always there.

I reminded him just how grateful I am for the kid he is, for the big brother he is, for simply being so helpful all of the time. He is appreciated. The positive feedback really stuck with him because later in the day he says out of the blue. “Momma I’m very happy that I can help with my baby brother”

2. Being the avid over planner that I am. And a little OCD too. Things don’t always go as we plan but tomorrow is another day.

3. There are still good people out there.

4. Give yourself a break. Take one day at a time.

5. Breathe! This too shall pass. Pray through it all. Make God the center of your life and your parenting and each coming day will be easier.

You got this!

Service feature: Hair by Mary Lee

I met Mary Lee on one of our crazy Amsterdam escapades. She was always so caring and just so much love for everyone. She was one of the smiles in our circle of friends.

As a female my goal is to be one who always cheers for the success of other females. Its super important as women and moms to always make sure we take care of ourselves. A happy mom equals happy babies. with that said, today’s service feature goes out to:

Mary Lee Norris is the small business owner of Mary’s hair care. This has been her passions for forever and a day and this is evident when seeing the smiles and amazing hair done by Mary Lee.

Her goal is to make women love themselves and we all know when you look good you feel good. She started her business after the birth of her daughter which was a turning point in her life, where she wanted to ensure that she does not miss out on any time with her daughter. She made the decision not to work for a ‘boss’ as she felt this would control her time with her daughter and that inspired her to open a hair salon.

She makes the lives of her clients easy by being flexible at all times. She offers home visits, salon visits etc.

I definitely recommend Mary Lee and her hair services to anyone and everyone.

Contact details:

Marys Haircare

0624398220

Tips for moms with boys

Lemme start off by saying I don’t know it all i am still learning but what mom isn’t.

It’s absolutely no secret that boys are active, super loud, busy, hyperactive little human beings.

Raising boys myself I know how easy it can be to lose your marbles with these active antsy little loves.

Before having children we all have this idea it would be playdates and kids playing quietly in their play room. Raising boys will remind you just how false that really is. Boys will find the nerviest of nerve strings to pull but they are also the most loveable.

I am a mom of a 6 year old and a 1 month old – – – both boys – – – I always said I’m really not a princess, tiara wearing mom I am definitely a boys mom. But I can tell you that some days they can make me pull my hair out.

Lemme tell you this my house never stays clean. My bathroom? Let’s just say I cannot have guests without advance notice. Legos, stunt men, balls laying everywhere. Soon il have double trouble. But you know what it’s all worth it.

All boys are not the same but here are some tips to get you through the days you just can’t seem to fathom how when who what.

• Monitor agression: I am a very hands on mom. I notice many changes in the way he treats his stuffed animals and his toys. As he got older I noticed the way he would address me and that’s how I was able to say “how was your day honey” I usually get a “it was a nice day” “nice” or an odd “I’m not going to that school anymore this or that happened”. When you know what’s causing your kid to be aggressive you are able to really dive in and deal with it right away.

• Be the example – model good behaviour: some days I struggle with this one. I’m having a female day and I live in a house filled with testosterone, it’s kinda hard just staying calm all the time when you just tripped over a Lego piece. But these little loves they are always watching. They act out what they see. We have to be the example we want to see in them. That may not make sense but they model us.

• Boys do cry: I totally hate when people tell their boys not to cry only girls cry. It’s okay for boys or a child for that matter to express their emotions. Boys should cry that way they are able to let out that pent up aggression. Emotions are for everyone not gender specific. Encourage emotional expression.

• Keep the toilet seat down: our household is 3:1 male female ratio. I would lose my mind if I have to moan about the toilet seat being up all the time. Since I’m the odd one out I decided I will leave the toilet seat up to simply save my sanity. Peace peace peace.

• Emphasize sharing and kindness: I spent so much time encouraging my son to share with everyone, to play with everyone no matter what. By sending extra snack to school so he can share with those who don’t bring snack to school etc. I sometimes think to myself I really am talking to the walls. Today a boy was begging at our car window and my son frantically looks around and sadly told me “momma I should’ve brought my snack bag with me to give him something to eat. Lets come up with a plan to keep a snack bag in the car for anyone who doesn’t have food and is hungry” I was so proud we immediately got home and put some extra chips and things in a bag to keep in the car for anyone who needs something to eat. We have to teach our little babies to share all that we have it’s good to be kind you know.

• Look beyond the mess: I can easily just moan all day about how my house isn’t staying clean because there’s always a mess around. My son always saving every little thing for his arts and crafts. But somewhere along the way I realized I could moan about a clean house or I could simply appreciate the now and enjoy the creativity.

• Allow them to choose: today my little boy came to me and asked me if he could have a line in his hair. It’s some sort of a cool hairstyle. As I’m driving I’m thinking I can argue about how he needs to have a normal haircut or I could let him choose his haircut this time around. I gave him the opportunity to choose and he was so happy and that was everything to me. No amount of anything compares to seeing your children happy.

• Take them to the playground to run, run, run, and climb and run off all that energy. Trust me it works.

Being a mom of boys is somewhat crazy most times but it’s so rewarding. I am proud to be a mom of boys.

Monday Product Feature: Baby Compactum

Today’s product feature goes out to Redirect Joinery. During my pregnancy I was so caught in the middle of do I want to have a baby cupboard,a chest of drawers and a bathing situation.

Redirect Joinery was so helpful in getting all my ideas into one by building a compactum for me that really gave me all that I wanted.

I definitely recommend redirect joinery for all your cabinet needs.

Their details:

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We specialise in built in cupboards and supply all your furniture needs.

Contact us for prices or for a free quote at:

Call: 021 931 0131

Whatsapp: 082 567 0531 or 082 682 2357 (sales)

We offer discounted prices for bulk buys. Enquire now!

Unit 2 Mini Units, Jan Smuts Drive (Cnr Connaught &, Jan Smuts Rd, Beaconvale, Cape Town, 7500

Moms this is definitely what you need!

Introduction: Rather late than never Mom over everything!

This blog is titled “Mother over everything” because I want to help mothers live the best lives they can and help moms with the daily struggles they might encounter as well as build up the positive experiences in our lives as we do the best we can at parenting our kids.

I am a mom of two boys whom I adore deeply. I look at them daily and realize no matter what I am a mom over it all. After a long day and the hype dies down I spend time with my cuties and all is well in my world.

Being a mom is such an important role really?! it is!!

What you do matters, who you are matters, and you matter. Also, matters refers to the topic being considered, in this case, moms.

This blog will focus on any of the following topics:

• Increasing our happiness as moms
• Creating more calm in our lives
• Managing our many responsibilities
• Helping our kids
• Creating daily routines
• Building healthy habits
• Self-care
• Managing stress
• Premature infants
• Pre and Post pregnancy
• Dealing with anxiety and depression
• Setting and working towards goals, as a female and as a mom.
• Relationship issues
• Any other issues related to being a mom

Please feel free to let me know if you would like to see any particular topic addressed in this blog…The purpose of this blog is to provide a two way informative platform for moms and share my experiences in any way that I can.

Formula feeding and reflux

It’s been quite a journey since my youngest was discharged from the neonatal ICU. We spent our days struggling with no breast milk to too little milk then we decided to formula feed (ff) and breast feed (bf).

With the immature gut of a premature baby we never know what works and what doesn’t. You kinda just go along with it.

At first he was on S26 formula and I swore by it because my eldest drank it and he was fine but this just proves that no pregnancy is the same. My little ones system just didn’t agree with it, it caused constipation. We changed formula to Nan sensitive and to my amazement this was too strong for my little one. So he was vomiting and constipated all at once and he spent hours crying. All the crying just made me go nuts thinking how in the hell am I going to get this right. The reflux was my main concern because it came out of his nose and that freaked me out.

We changed to Similac total comfort 1. This formula worked perfect for us. He wasn’t constipated and the reflux, well it never totally disappeared but it was lesser than before.

Tips to reduce the reflux:

• Burp the baby in between feeds. What worked for me was feeding half of the bottle and burping the baby. I then fed the rest and burped him. I found this to reduce the reflux quite a bit.
• After the feed I kept him up for about 30 minutes after the feed. This really allowed for bonding time for us and also allowing the milk to digest.
• I layed baby on his belly on a reflux wedged pillow so the milk can run out and this reduced the milk coming out of the nose.

You can find the milk at Clicks stores, Dischem, pharmacies and checkers.

A mommy moment

It’s 2am time for the next feed. I get out of bed half asleep get the kid whip out the boob and so it continues both sides.

I smell a bit of a dirty diaper and get back into the motion of changing the diaper…

Have you ever been so tired even your tired is tired. Having a newborn is not for the feint hearted but shit us women are really amazing fucking human beings. As tired as we are we Still get shit done. My son is an NICU baby so their schedules are every two hours so imagine that on your sleep clock. But no complaints here I love mothering my babies.

I was bragging this morning to my partner oh he never peed in my mouth yet. Well I shouldn’t have said that loud.

As I open the diaper I hear him take one push and it flies smack dab on my chest, feeding bra, gown, it just missed my mouth and there I stand no response WIDE AWAKE. I had shit all over me I’m sure Il be paranoid even after the shower that I smell of baby poop.

There’s no moral here just a weird share of a moment. Don’t mess with a tired mom of an infant. We are a whole other monster when poked.